I was working with a client who was having trouble reigning in some of the strong opinions about management and agility.
You know, those people (all consultants) who've either only learned one way of doing something, or believe so strongly in THEIR approach, that all others are invalid?
Well, these people are everywhere and in this case, they were literally shouting down everyone else with different opinions.
Sadly though, it's painful to work with people who have immovable strong opinions and aren't afraid of telling everyone that their views are the best and everyone else is wrong.
Well, here's how I deal with people with strong opinions.
Truly Listen
The first step is to truly listen, even if their words are so contagious, inflammatory and insulting that they make your face twitch.
Listen to what they are saying.
What is the main theme, core point or main thesis?
What are they truly trying to say, even if it rubs against every fibre of your soul and they deliver it in a way that is aggressively dominating?
By listening we show respect and everyone deserves respect by default - at least initially. We may also learn something, or think differently about our own views.
By listening, we are also trying to deeply understand their point of view.
Don't take it personally
It's hard to develop this skill but worth it.
Other people's views, opinions and words are not really directed at you personally.
They may be poor communicators - often the case. They may be insecure about the task at hand and the only tool they have is method X or approach Y - so they ram it home as they know of nothing else.
They may be overly confident, they may be arrogant, they may be scared - we don't know.
It's why I reckon 99% of the time, their words are not aimed at your personally - they are compensating for something much more personal within themselves.
And if the words are aimed at you and so personal that it makes you gasp with pain, remember to breathe, pause and think: "what deep inner turmoil must they be in to say that?".
What would have to be going on in my life to say something so hurtful?
Try not to take it personally.
Appreciate they are not wrong
Even if you think they are wrong, and you know of a different way that works (we'll come to that) it's no use going against what someone believes.
Beliefs, certainly long held, can rarely be changed by arguments, confrontation, disagreements or logic.
Appreciate that what they are saying, no matter how silly or badly delivered, is what they believe and we all have the right to believe what we believe. It's how it's delivered that is the problem.
We are entitled to believe what we wish.
Learn their side of the argument better than they do
The best way to win an argument, if you are even going to take on this challenge (some things do need challenging), is to understand their argument and opinions better than they do.
Study, learn, understand.
The worst thing to do is push your views against their views. Beliefs against beliefs - it rarely ends well.
Ask questions to either clarify points for learning, or to carefully unpick their views.
Be careful, only keep doing this if what they are saying is clearly wrong, will lead to problems or is based on views that aren't welcome in the workplace. Otherwise, ignore them and save your energy.
Sometimes, a good disagreement about ways of working, tech etc is healthy and leads to better solutions, but only if people are willing to compromise.
Questions help everyone learn and often times, they can nudge people to question their own strong held opinions and beliefs.
The other way works
As professionals at work we need our beliefs, views and experience of what works, but we should also appreciate that the other way works too.
Other ways of working, work.
As such, it pays to understand that other ways have worked and are working somewhere. They may even work in your company.
This is why it pays to listen and understand, then challenge if you don't believe it will work. But just because someone believes something different, doesn't mean it doesn't work.
They may have strong opinions - and what they are saying may be right. It may even be something you need to accommodate into your own thinking. Of course, they could be wrong (in your view).
Ignore
If someone is really ramming home their opinion, not listening, not accepting that other ways work and is doing it in a way that is causing grief in the business, then ignore them as much as possible.
If they are your direct report, deal with it through feedback.
If they are your peer, offer them some feedback then move on.
If they are outside of your sphere of influence, ignore them and keep going. It's not worth wasting your time and energy on most things that upset others.
If it's directed at you, take some action (like the above), if it's hurting others then take action, if not, try not to let it worry you.
Communicate with clarity and kindness
I often find that it's very easy to undo argumentative opinions by simply being a better communicator.
Listening, carefully responding and being articulate can often undo shouty, aggressive, in your face opinions. It doesn't take long for a rational, careful and considered argument to undo someone's opinions.
Be careful though - they may not respond well.
The goal isn't to undo someone though, it's to get to the heart of the matter and make the business better. If their opinions is better - be humble and accept it. If it isn't, undo the argument with good, solid, calm communication.
Never attack the person or try to belittle them. Focus on the argument and behaviours - not the person.
Don't be like them
If something is worth fighting for, fight for it. If it's not, move on.
The worse thing we can do when faced with someone with strong opinionated ideas is to be like them. Be the better person.
Rise above it, deal with it through feedback (if you have role power) or challenge carefully, but try not to fight fire with fire. Fight it with kindness, empathy and excellent communication skills.
Listen, empathise, ask questions, ignore them, counter them, talk to them, move on - but don't force your ideas at other people. Don't be like them - it's the best thing for the soul.
After all, opinionated people go around the world arguing with other opinionated people. It's good to have opinions and ideas. We all do. Hold them loosely unless you believe whole-heartedly in them. Let them go when needed. Fight if you have to.
At the end of the day though, don't be like them. And you don't always have to have an opinion.
