Soft versus Hard Communication - Meeting Notes

Hi,

I hope you had a good break. Is it too late in the year to wish you a Happy New Year?

I had a lovely break. Lots of time off and time with my family, which was nice.

It's conference season again with conferences opening up their call for papers - and lots of conferences scheduled for the year.

Before Christmas I created a super handy "Zero To Keynote Conference Checklist". The full resolution version is free for subscribers to the Meeting Notes newsletter. You can find it here in PDF format.

I've also launched a digital version of Zero To Keynote. I still have printed copies available but they are limited to the UK only. Customs, since the UK have left the European Union, are unpredictable and painful. You can find ways to buy the book here.

For those new to the Meeting Notes newsletter, welcome, I’m Rob, Chief Goal Setting Officer at Cultivated Management. This newsletter is about learning, communication, leadership and the art of being effective at work. Welcome.

How to run a tutorial

I spent a week before Christmas writing my new eBook about How To Run An Award Winning Tutorial/Workshop. Its been a lot of fun but there's still some way to go with it.

The book is for anyone running "learning workshops or tutorials" at conferences, or within companies.

I've brought in my HR Learning Management experience, plus elements of communication principles to include advice on topic laddering, teaching methods, learning methods, optimal room layouts, learning material and more - along with a sample of my own teaching plan from my Award-Winning Communication Superpower Workshop. I aim to have this complete by the end of January.

Hard Versus Soft Communication

The best leaders and managers know when to flex between harder and softer communication styles. They are somewhat comfortable with either mode. Yes, they will have a natural preference, but they know how to flex. It's also worth pointing out that it's not hard AND then soft - there is a spectrum.

In times of chaos, panic, uncertainty, misalignment, trouble, decline there is a need for both, with a heavy leaning towards harder communication. There is a need for a more direct and specific approach but also a need to listen.

In times of calm, high performance, flow and alignment a hard communication approach only will erode trust, relationships and harmony. There is more of a need for extra listening, more collaboration, more focus on nurturing relationships and a more consultative approach to communication; a softer style.

At any time there are micro interactions where a need to flex between harder and softer communication styles is required.

All communication opportunities and interactions are about balancing being effective with being liked. Balancing control versus delegation. Balancing listening versus telling. Balancing direction versus consultation.

Good communicators flex and adapt based on the context they find themselves in. Average communicators stick to their natural preferences no matter the context.

Our businesses are shaped by the human interactions that take place. It's therefore essential that everyone, no matter their position in the business, knows how to adapt their communication behaviours for the context they find themselves in.

Leading with a hard style

I know a leader who's natural communication style is hard; direct, specific, uncompromising. He was a good choice when a department was collapsing, had no direction, had dysfunctions and were in need of some steer.

He came in, gave them clarity, aligned people, set a direction, had tough conversations and put the department back on the incline.

He upset some people, came across as aggressive but he fixed the problem.

He then didn't flex or change.

He drove the department in this way after they'd overcome the downward spiral, when a softer style was called for. He put them into a new decline - not from a lack of direction, but from a lack of autonomy, a lack of empathy, a lack of feeling safe. Good people felt he didn't listen to them, or trust them and his approach was always too strong. They started to leave and morale dropped again.

Another leader never learned how to adapt from his softer style. He avoided conflict, didn't deal with poor behaviour, didn't voice his role authority, lacked any kind of ability to give directions and consulted with people far too often. At that time the business needed clarity and direction.

At one point it was hard to tell that he was even the leader - other people were leading him. The team went into decline. People did what they wanted, there was no control, no direction, no steer, no authority, no clarity. It was chaos.

In both examples (and they are both real), sticking to a single style when the context demands something else, is a recipe for decline.

In another example, a great leader took over a team in decline. She started with a hard approach. Direction, clarity, honest assessments of the current reality, tough conversations, setting new standards of behaviours and being clear about what lay ahead. Some of the team didn't like the style but it worked - she got them back on track.

Then she eased off. She moved to a softer approach as the team gained clarity and alignment. She took more time to listen and get to know people. She stopped telling and starting asking. She delegated and stepped back. She was less direct. She smiled more.

Flex

The best leaders have spent time developing the communication, critical thinking and decision making behaviours needed to flex. They know when to be harder with their communication style to provide clarity, alignment, direction, control and right action.

"We're going here, we're doing this, we're moving ahead".

They know when to be softer and less direct.

"We're performing well, how do we all think we can make our business even better?"

People crave clarity over the work, the direction of the business, their role, where they stand and what's in the work for them.

People also crave being listened to, being included, being involved, autonomy and more.

Achieving these outcomes requires leaders and managers to flex their communication styles and behaviours. They need to listen, make decisions, lead, provide clarity but also create a workplace that enriches the lives of all who work in it by creating calm and bringing forth people's strengths.

It's not easy flexing your communication style. Not easy at all. We all have natural preferences and tendencies - and these are just who we are.

But little by little it's worth learning how to develop the ability to flex when needed. Not to lose who you are but to be adaptable to the context you find yourself in.

This requires practice, patience, mistakes and a whole lot of self learning and reflection.

I believe strongly that there are times for direct and hard communication, and times for softer and more collaborative communication. The more adaptable a person is, the more they can deal with the ups and downs in business and everyday interactions. The better they can do this, the better the environment for everyone who works in the business.

It's never plain sailing and there are times to exercise direct and specific communication. When things are going well there are times to step back and nurture the business. And everyday we interact with other people - adapting to the purpose, person and context is key to ensuring these interactions build a business worth working in.

If you enjoyed this newsletter then please consider:

1. Sharing this content with others you feel would get value from it.
2. Downloading the free ebook 10 Behaviours of effective employees.
3. Buy a copy of Zero to Keynote
4. Sitting the online Communication Super Power Workshop to develop your super power in work

It means a lot. Thank you.

Until next time

Rob..